You are viewing the most recent 25 entries.
6th April 2005
4th April 2005
30th March 2005
28th March 2005
Heya peoples I am back from the beach! :
It was 'swonderful. I liked it cause it was all prettyfull and the guys were all prettyfull..my dad had upgraded our hotel to a suite without telling me and when i got there i was like WOAH! it had a hot tub! it was the shiznit. lol I got really drunk and walked the strip and basically ran back because i had to pee so bad. Then i went out to the ocean and played in the water .. it was cold as shit but i couldnt feel a thing after a while. I went to the pavillion and rode all the rides twice except the roller coaster cause it was scary as shit and im a wuss. haha. I guess i had a good time.. i came back here to my house and muh mom had a lil party fer me.. i got a dora the explorer cake! and a dora cup, blanket and umbrella. Oh.. cant forget the dora shirt i got at the beach! it was a kids one but it fit... i LOAF IT! hehe. Oh and Phillip called me to wish me a happy b day but i wasnt here :( but its the thought that counts! I cant wait till he comes back cause i wanna take him w/ me to the beach.. i wanna do it in the sand and get sand in my cooter.. MWAHAHA! lol. aha. ok. Peace out my homies.. i be updating later.
Current Mood: Fricken' Happy as hell!
22nd March 2005
16th March 2005
forget me not
She screams as her feelings are walked on again, :
they cant help but worsen the fall.
She tries to escape from her pain with a smile,
but they dont even notice at all.
She rots in her own devised hell as they laugh,
shes hated so much but they lie.
She never thought that again her feelings would crash,
theyre making her want to die.
A plan from her mind will help her climb out,
hoping this time she will go all the way.
Halfway through the procedure she's having her doubts,
so she scrapes her own conscience away.
Now that shes finally down to the last limb,
she laughs as theyre drowning in fear.
They were the salt that washed out her wounds,
she could feel as her end had drawn near.
A last unspoken thought that will stick in their minds,
and will leave an unforgiving last impression.
She treated them dearly and was abnormally kind,
now her death is where lies their obsession.
Theres a sadness in your eyes :
And it scares me
If i let this die
It will scar me
Somehow now you know
whats inside me
you put that pain in me at rest
If you let me see your face
Youll save me
I cant let you walk away
Dont leave me
I followed you right here
now im going to get what i came for
Dont panic for whats left
ill help you with the death
of your trust
we'll put away the past
so we can take on this new taste
Will you drown me in your tears
if i let you
I need you through the years
if youll have me
i cant fix your broken heart
but i will break mine so youre not alone
15th March 2005
Welp, to my surprize but not quite exactly.. i was fucked over again. What i thought was love (again) wasnt. Phillip didnt care about me.. only about himself. He expected me to be just like all his other ex girlfriends... dumb and blind to his bullshit. Thats rediculas.. im not trying to play it off like i dont know what the fuck hes doin behind my bad. He walks around with this chip on his shoulder because he uses the shit out of all his girlfriends and it keeps on. Well, not this time. you can go fuck yourself phillip, im not tryin to wait 8 months for you.. for false hope. hell no. I have wasted enough of my fucking life with guys.. . All you fukkers are the same. Ever heard of honesty? Monogomy? nah.. not in you guys vocabulary i suppose. Welp.. not my fucking problem. I have better things to do then waste my time waiting for that no good piece of shit to come back from iraq. I think i'll go take ryan up on his offer for a date. fukker. :
Current Mood: I want to kill someone
2nd March 2005
10th October 2003
im so excited i could shit my pants.
I'm so excited.. and i just cant hide it.. im about to lose control and i think i like it. :
I am just so happy that we're having a party for Katie this weekend. Its her b day on the 12th, and we're usin josh's house and havin a party. I loaf her so much, im goina make sure she has a really good birthday party:) BTW. josh is a real cutie;) he looks just like christian slater when he plaed in the movie Heathers. woot.
N E whoot... Rite now im bout to carve a pumpkin!:) whoo.
Alright everyone. Loaf u all. have a nice weekend;)
Current Mood: happy
6th October 2003
4th October 2003
FREAKY FRIDAY -and i dont mean the movie.. buddy..-
This is going to be a long entry but i had something partially weird happen to me yesterday and i wanted to tell everyone! :
Ok when i went to bed Thursday night I had a dream that i was walking back from PCC to Bartlett Yancey High and i seen this sort of line or crowd going into 3rd hall and then i seen this tall dark haired person that looked like my really good friend Brock (who left about 4 or 5 months ago to go back and live with his mom in Louisiana and well.. i miss him alot) was waiting to go in the building, and someone had ran up to him and was hugging him and whatever.. and i was like.. that cant be brock.. and so i just kept walking, till i got closer and closer.. and then realized it WAS Brock, i walked up to him.. and i was like.. what the hell!? and i was happy and crying that he came back, he picked me up when i hugged him and i wrapped my self around him and we were turning in circles while this music was playing loudly 'it feels like the first time, feels like the very first time' kind of like in a movie and everything was all bright and pretty and blah blah blah. so we left school cause we were all excited and came back to my house, i took him inside and made him something to eat and he was sitting in his shorts or whatever in the house. Then dad came home and i was like 'youll never guess who is here', and he was like 'who', and i said 'look inside', and he came inside and was like.. 'what the hell' and he was like all excited that Brock was back and stuff and then Brock went and sat in the recliner.. and dad went and was passed out in the bathtub in his clothes because he was so high, he had a big bag of pot in his hand, his friend Jimmy was also here, excited about Brock bein back. And i sat on a stool that was infront of Brock inbetween his legs and told him to come closer and he did, and i whispered in his ear 'you came back at the perfect time' and he was like 'really why', and i said 'because my dad is leaving for the whole weekend -this weekend-' and he was all happy and he was like 'yesh' then he said 'lets smoke some pot'.
>>>Then i woke up and the very vivid, detailed, weird dream was over.<<<
When i went to school friday, i was on the internet and i checked my horoscope for that day in 2nd prd. Which i dont usually have time to do but since i had no more work to do, i figured i should and it said<<<<<'Today may bring an old flame back to mind. Perhaps there is someone you have
longed to meet up with again, simply because they always made you feel good.
Chance may bring them back into your life by some peculiar stroke of
destiny, and give you the opportunity to reestablish that wonderful
i was sooo ooooo weirded out.. and me and my friend Dustin were talkin about how like these kind of signs come in 3's .. so i kept jokin that when i get home his name would be on the caller id because he would have tried to call earlier that day. But when i came home, it wasnt. So i called him. and he answered. i Told him all about my dream, and everything else that happened. and he was like.. 'i was thinking about calling you sometime this week ya know but i've been busy and i know we like to talk long so i knew i'd need a couple hours free to call you' And blah blah blah. we were also talking about him and his friends doing drugs and stuff and some stupid bitch he wants to hurt that he hangs out with and all... and he told me he's starting a new school on Tuesday because Grace King sucks. My mother said that maybe this new school wont work out as well and have to come back up here to spend his last semester in BY. ALSO! when we were on the phone, i think his mom may have over heard a few things Brock had said because when he asked 'mom can i have 10 bucks for the weekend' his mom said 'WHY so you can go out and buy drugs?" and then they began arguing about how he wasnt going to buy drugs, where did she get that from, and why did she think that. so! which means.. if she believes he's doing drugs.. or whatever.. theres a chance she'll think he needs to be sent back up here to live with his father to straighten out.. ..sooo
I have come to the conclusion that although i wish the BEST for Brock, i am also hoping the WORST. you know what im sayin. ALL IN ALL. It was just a strange day. It got stranger. But.. thats another story.
;) what u think about all this mess people?
Current Mood: optimistic
8th September 2003
7th September 2003
4th September 2003
3rd July 2003
26th June 2003
8th June 2003
I laid in bed as I awoke, :
And before I can even open my eyes,
A sigh escapes from my mind for the thoughts to come,
And a smile slips its way across my face.
You have already said your goodbyes to this place and time,
Where you belong waits, and the privilege is no longer mine.
A memory of you is all I have for now,
An image that’s stuck in my head,
We’ll hopefully find our way back together somehow,
And I’ll find my true friend once again.
Current Mood: lonely
2nd June 2003
28th May 2003
22nd May 2003
The gate has gone up again :
holding all my feelings in
brand new thoughts of hatred
a smile to replace the pain
fake a laugh towards an unwanted prescence
don't worry they won't suspect a thing
pretend to be the only one to care
a different face brings the same misleading flaws
being something you're not for an escape
going against everything your guilty conscience told you
just to get some well awaited appreciation
falsely praised and used with a grin
wanted the thoughts to just shut up
without a different image for days upon days
Difficult to present myself properly without scaring an opposing distraction away.
A cure for my illness feels just within reach
pulling it further away is my crutch
I need wounds to keep me from crashing
what to do when you're against yourself
and your only hope is a sealed package
moraly helpless and trying to intake
at the same time disgusted with my selfs indulgence in this
it has finally came down to the final decision
gave into the thoughts in the back of my mind that no one ever noticed
maybe no one ever will
what has gotten into me
a gleam of jealousy shows its beautiful face
it never fails me to believe that im decaying rapidly
sinking down further into my own agression and doubts on life
a line drawn by my conscience
seperates the bad from the good
and brings a transparent but confusion action to be taken place
influenced by the society of ignorance and shame
denied by my own self for a better way out
screaming hatred is my memories
a different life with a better me
distorted attraction towards emptyness
when i speak you will listen one day...